Conversational cheap shots

Most English majors will rejoice at content of this post in which the author details the variety of conversational cheap shots and why you should not use them in a sentance. While the authors intent is good, I don’t think that by merely posting a warning in an attempt to educate the user is enough. I believe by both recognizing when one is being used coupled with the proper responce would produce optimal results. I’ll illustrate this by quoting some of the examples from the site followed my responce (in bold):

The Over Your Head Cheap Shot

“I’d like to respond to that, but taking into account your background, education, and intelligence, I am quite sure that you would not be able to understand.”
“Understand this, motherfucker!”

The Hypothetical Insult

“Take this example: suppose you were a person who was incredibly stupid but was trying to come off as intelligent. What would the proper response be if you were me?”
“Well in a situation like that the first I’d tell you to fuck off. Then I would continue this verbal barrage by telling you how much of a fucking cockass you are and that your continued existance really brings no joy to the rest of the world. Failing that, I’d kick you in the nuts and piss on you.”

The Studies Have Shown Tactic

“Research at UCLA has proven conclusively….”
“And research at the university of Fuck You have shown me that you are a complete shithead. Now fuck off and die.”

It always feel great working towards the advancement of the English language. I can sleep soundly now knowing that I have brought light to your previous intellectual darkness.

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Stay or go poll results

I’ll confess that I had already made a deicision before this poll was even finished as it was an entirely transparent attempt to elicit sympathy. The good news is that my decision is refletive of the poll results. The bad news is that there are still a few cockasses (read: friends) in Calgary who refuse to acknowedge where it’s at and move out to Vancouver while continuing their masochistic ritual known as the 9-month prairie winter. Thanks to all who voted.

The Nori

I guess either Kleenex or a sleeve isn’t good enough anymore now that the Nori has come along to clean out the the pipes so to speak. Maybe it’s just me but I would have an incredibly difficult time doing this and only do so as a result of losing an alcohol-induced bet.
Hmmm…. This looks like something that patchouli-reaking hippy was trying to sell me yesterday in front of the liquor store.

Celine Dreams

celineI think that at one point or another everyone has had a dream about a celebrity; some inocuous and some, well, questionable in content. Me, being a slave to my unconsious mind have had my share. Usually they involve Hollywood sexpot Jennifer Tilly and a game of tennis but that’s besides the point. Am I here to share the details of my dreams with you? No. I think some things are simply better left unsaid better than me playing a balancing act between discretion and humour.

Discretion loses in the case of the Celine Dreams website where fans recount their dreams featuring Canada’s horse-faced chanteuse and other reciprocate by interpreting them. Here’s a sampling:

Fan Dream #13
Dan, USA

I’d had a dream, or nightmare rather, about C

Bikini Bounce

Bikini Bounce is a rather silly game. However, in the quest for content it amused me enough to post it here. This game is in poor taste. So am I. What else is new. In fact, the game itself isn’t that fun. Just bounce, bounce, bounce on the bikini-covered breasts of some woman. Has it really come to this?

No Marriage

Word upNoMarriage.com is a website by American men who have married foreign brides. It wouldn’t be so bad if they would just shut up and go with their lives but they’ve set up this website in order to tell us the virtues of foreign brides and to trash American women. Her’s a quote from an article

A huge percentage of American women are selfish, flighty, insecure, needy and psychotic, and quite capable of concealing those traits during the dating phase

White ‘career’ American chicks are the bottom of the barrel marriage-wise.

Foreign women from South America, Eastern Europe, and Asia are at the top. Only guys who travel (in other words, guys who are successful and ambitious enough to travel a lot) find these. But they never, ever go back.

Foreign-born women living in the US are the next best. They get married early…they are highly sought-after by American guys for their wifely skills (hell, any women who has ANY ability to be a wife is better than your average American chick, who knows NOTHING about being a wife)

Bottom of the barrel—white American chicks. Yecch.

Wow! You’d think that with talk like that these guys would regular male model types who are too good for mere American women. Think again.

Ummm….Yeah. Well perhaps if you didn’t look like so much a troll you’d find yourself a nice American lady. Not that there aren’t many lovely foreign ladies but don’t trash the local women because of your misgivings.

Now I’ve been on a mission to destroy the sanctity of marriage ever since it occured to me that it would really be something fun to do in my spare time. If I’ve any regrets thus far, it’s that I’m not on my second wife yet. That being said, I’m ready to walk down that aisle anytime, anywhere, with anyone. I don’t care because not only will I marry someone, but I’ll marry the shit out of them. After which we can get it anulled or beter yet a divorce and then laugh about the whole thing overs cocktails. How dare Britney have a whirlwind 55-hour Vegas marriage. I can do better than that.