Yu-Mex

The marriage between Yugloslavian and Mexican music seems improbable but strangely was quite popular during the 1950’s for one reason or another. More info can be found here.

Pole Position

Our favourite Flashcube.org teenage supersleuth Nikki has provided me with this link to a course being offered at the University of British Columbia. Exotic Pole Dancing is now available for the taking. It’s being marketed as a means to stay in shape but oddly the desciption on the website neglects to say anything regarding wether or not a slutty costume is a prerequisite. Here’s hoping.

Protected: All In The Family

Because of my distinctive last name, tracing my lineage is easier than if it was something like Jones or Jackson. One of the interesting things I discovered was my relation to the last Princess of the Micronesian Island of Kosrae. I know it sounds a little far fetched but I have the facts to back it up. Besides, my late Grandfather (God bless him) met their descendants when they travelled over 9000 miles to attend our family reunion in 1989. In his words, “At first I thought they were the entertainment, then I realized they were family!” Yikes! I miss my Grandfather.

The story is this: One of my ancestors Henry (Harry) Skilling left Portland, Maine in 1868 after a huge fire burned most of the city. He wound up in the South Pacific with a pirate called “Bully” Hayes and then married the daughter of the last king of Kosrae. Her name was Jenny Sitato.

This information sheds light on my current infatuation with tropical islands, women in grass skirts, and fruity drinks. It’s in my fucking blood! The best part is that the Micronesian Skilling’s have done quite well for themselves by taking prominent roles in the government. Harry H. Skilling is Chief Justice with his cousin, Sidney Skilling, a public defender. Fred Skilling, brother of Sidney, is Director of the Department of Public Affairs, and Masayuki Skilling is the Postmaster General. So the next time you’re in Micronesia say,”Hi” to my relatives and if you’re looking for a place to stay, I’d be delighted to recommend the Skilling hotel which, while small by most standards, is still the largest hotel on the island of Kosrae. I’ll have to inquire about family discounts though. If you’re in the mood for shopping, I can sort you out with that too.

Cling On

Now common thought would dictate someone who really only needs to be certified by a doctor to prove that the mental disorder they think they have would have better things to do than to troll the outer fringes of the internet and pull up a smelly, slimy thing such as this. I’ve stated before that I have no problem absolutely liking certain television shows or movies as long as it doesn’t involve me learning a new language (I barely have a grasp on English) and wearing a metal codpiece. However, the codpiece could help me escape the unfathomable depths of depression I’ve been suffering over the past year or so (whoops!). There is good news to all this though; it’s that I’ve learned to channel my negative energy into chuckles via this website. In addition, finding people like this helps to fortify the belief that despite my inability to deal with hardships there are other people out there who are more in need of a mental help professional than I.

86 Rules

The Drunkard website has a series of rules that may help your drinking pleasure on New Year’s Eve.

Here’s a taste:

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

Here Comes Santa Claus

Merry X-MasTwas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even Eric as he makes his drunk ass home reeking of booze and cigarettes then trying to piece together the events of the previous evening when he wakes up thinking, “Did I say that to her? Wow. I really am an asshole”. Fuck it, here’s something that truly represents the spirit of Christmas. Little kids crapping their pants with fear whenever they’re near Jolly Old Saint Nick.

Faster Pinto! Kill! Kill!

Car KillerWe all know that the holidays can be stressful. Buying presents for countless friends and relatives. It’s almost enough to make one snap. It’s a good thing that I’ve strong resolve and aren’t prone to such temptations despite how easy it would be. I’m counting down my last few hours of freedom before the onslaught. God help me.

Packing It In

Bagged.A friend of mine Mike Schulz has a thing or two to say about travelling. Can I disagree? Not in the least because I’m the asshole who just picked up 100 pounds worth of clothes from the Greyhound station earlier this afternoon and just last week I was complaining about my lack of trousers.

On the lost art of being a terrible traveller: Holiday Edition.

Part One: Packing

1) When packing do so late at night, preferably in a hurry, even if you
have plenty of time.

2) Listen to your instincts. Particularly if it is a voice telling you
to be prepared for every eventuality. Perhaps, for instance, you may
want to wear a suit during your trip. In that case pack two.

3) Have you recently done laundry and thus have nothing but clean socks
and underwear? Pack them all. You can never have enough socks and
underwear. Haven’t done laundry in a while and having nothing but soiled
undergarments. Pack them all. You can never do enough free laundry.

4) *Special Tip* Pack all your shirts with their hangers. Who knows…
you may have closet space at your destination. Besides its faster (see
tip 1) and clothes hangers can’t weigh that much can they?

5) Buy your X-mas gifts according to weight. Ideal purchasing comment:
‘Wow, these decorative bookends are clearly made of a sturdy metal. I
wonder if its lead?’

6) You can never pack enough shoes.

7) Make sure to pack any work that you are guarenteed not to do.
Similarly, make sure to bring all those books you’ve been meaining to
read for the last six months but haven’t. Hardbacks are ideal.

8) I cannot stress this tip enough. Ensure that your luggage is at least
twenty years old. New enough to be ugly, but old enough to predate the
marriage of suitcases and wheels. Also it is highly desirable for your
luggage to be twice as big as anything you could possibly carry. Finally
your luggage should have at least one sharp protrusion (perhaps a broken
buckle) with which you can tear your own clothes and the clothing of
others.

9)Finally, remember, it is not how much you bring with you, it is how
badly you pack it.

Part 2: Getting to getting there is 1/4 the fun!

Assuming you have packed appropriately, the next and most hazardous
part of the journey is ahead of you. Not the journey itself but getting
to the bus depot, train station. or air port.

Tips:

1) Under no circumstances take a taxi. This is a must. Rather, one
should use public transportation, ideally with a number of transfers
between buses and/or trains.

2) Ensure that you must be at your embarkation point during peak
commuting hours. Nothing impresses commuters more than someone squeezing
their way onto a crowded train with three times their body mass in
luggage. Especially if your luggage has sharp edges as per Pt. 1, tip 8.

3) Make certain to get off of public transportation a stop or two early.
With your heavy, unwheeled, luggage you should look as though you have
completed a triathalon before you arrive at the station. Crying is also
recommended.

4) If you speak the language, don’t.

5) Make sure you arrive before the recommended time and then become
irratible when your plane/train/bus is twenty minutes late.

Lastly, three general tips to make you a terrible traveller:

1) Stress is your friend. Repeat after me: Hurry up and wait. Hurry up
and wait…

2) Under no circumstances sleep before your journey. It takes away from
your unholy edge. Ideally consume a caffinated or alcholic beverage
before boarding (if possible have both).

3) Do not bathe. Make sure everyone smells the coffee, cigarrets and
scotch you have consumed.

Any rate, happy holidays one and all. To those to whom I have more or
less lost contanct with and now hang my head in semi-shame to, please
drop me a line at this here email address. I like check it and stuff.
Also, if anyone is in Calgary and would like to try to hook up, I will
be there between Boxing Day and January 2. Merry X-Mas

Back In The Saddle

Giddy Up, Motherfuckers!After a day of settling in after the move I am prepared to bring you the garbage you’ve come to expect from me. Christmas is a special time; a time of giving. This is my gift to you. Happy holiday.

I am an ass monkey.

Eric is a funny man. When we were in art school Eric treated his space more like a treehouse than a studio. on the wall that greeted the person approaching his fort, the phrase “I am an ASS monkey” was gleefully (and neatly) painted in black with a half-inch wide paintbrush. It is during that semester that I became a friend of Eric’s. And I think that sign has coloured everything I have thought about Eric since then.