Welcome To Vice

WelcometoviceWhen the going gets tough, the tough have one too many double gin & tonics, stumble to the 7-11 for a corndog at 3:30 in the morning only to have it closed because a stabbing or something bloody, hail a cab to take you to the late-night Wendy’s drive-though window only to order a teen burger combo which tasted far better going down than coming back up no less than half an hour later and then to wake up the next morning with the brutal one-two punch of a hangover headache and sinus cold.

Did this happen to me? I’m not telling. For all you know it happened to someone else. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. So try to forget about that and why don’t you visit this pro-abstinance website and then go visit its’ sister site.

Two Brows Are Better Than One

MonobrowThank goodness that I am spared a monobrow. Though if I did I’d probably just get the fucking thing waxed. I mean. unlike other places it doesn’t hurt. I’ve yanked a few errant hairs out in my time. I’ve resolved myself to trimming them as well because I have a genetic predisposition for “Grandpa Eyebrows”. I’ve seen the evidence but thankfully I’m so high-maintenance that I’ve never, ever let it happen.

Yo! I Come Fresher Than A Moist Towelette!

MoisttoweletteThe internet is perfect for filling voids in knowledge that I still have. A good example being that I never knew there was a need for an online museum dedicated to moist towelettes. Do I appreciate it? Absolutely. I’ve had an affinity for them since the first time I ever indulged in a plate of ribs. Where as your typical napkin would shred from the stickiness of the sauce, the moist towelette not only held up but left your hands with a nice lemon scent. Had I the time, I would forego showering and bathing altogether to clean myself exclusively with them. In a word, that would be totally awesome.

Get Off!!!

RosieeeeeeeeDon’t get me wrong. The internet is a wonderful thing and has afforded me such luxuries the ability to while away countless hours and have naught to show it except a few useless facts, some music that I must follow up on, and the nightmarish images that Rosie O’ Donnell’s Flickr page.

Now I’m sure that she’s probably a really nice person in real life however there are some things such as discretion that needs to be addressed. This is exactly the reason why I’ve scaled back my persona on this website. It’s not just because I don’t have a pretty face, snappy dress sense, a good haircut, am devilishly charming, write good songs, and have a fine ass but rather because I know that little bit of modesty can go a long way. I wish the same could be said for Miss O’ Donnell though. Her publicist (if she still has one) must be freaking.

Since I haven’t broke the threshold of even being mildly famous I must act as my own publicist. That being the case, my publicist recommends tighter pants and a sassier strut. It’s so hard to find good help these days.

Fight For Your Right

ThesexpartyI first heard about the new British Columbia political party The Sex Party earlier this week and was intrigued at their platform. I mean most of it was pretty common sense stuff like teaching tolerance and repealing archaic sex laws. We’re all adults, after all.

Interestingly, my own political persuasion has been shifting steadily to the right. While that may be attributed to the my surroundings. Most of it is because my bullshit detector has become more finely tuned over the years. Most of my friends are aghast at this but I like them nonetheless.

That being said The Sex Party does seem like a lot of fun (albeit slightly hippyish) based on their events page and were they to expand to other provinces I may just consider running. Perhaps I’ll even start my own political party. I’ll work out the details later but you’d vote for me, right?

Colour Me Colour You

ColourmecolouryouMichelle Bernhardt at Pantone must be bored because she took the time and effort to put up the colorstrology website. According to the site I am Pantone 17-4412 and characterized as efficient, organized, and smart. It’s not a bad colour to be pegged as nor a bad judge of character.