Card Carrying Member

ConservativeIt’s funny because I haven’t had a drink all night but somehow within the last five minutes or so I’ve become a member of the Conservative Party of Canada. Maybe I was just caught up in election fever. My membership card and (tax deductable) receipt will arrive next week and I suspect that another member will be phoning me to volunteer for the upcoming election. I probably blow up balloons and shit.

I can hear the jeers now. I’ve become the ultimate sellout having sacrificed my ideals for some sort of cheap right-wing thrill. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t able to resolve my former left-wing ideals with common fucking sense. Am I the only one who feels a bit unnerved about the romanticizing of historical Left-Wing dictators. Stalin looks spiffy on a poster and is a great name for a martini if you choose to ignore history.

Interestingly, this isn’t the first time I’ve been a member of a Canadian Conservative party. About 12 years ago during the campaign to determine the new leader for the Alberta Conservatives. A few people and I drove up to Edmonton on a whim for the night. We had no set plan but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Somehow (it’s been a long time. I don’t recall the circumstances) we ended up at the rally. It was Ralph Klein vs. Nancy Betowski for the leadership. We saw balloons, streamers, and a whole lot of commotion so we were instantly attracted to it and tried to enter the rally.

Having never belonged to a political party before and being only 18 and lacking party membership we were declined entry. That was of course until Provincial Treasurer at the time Jim Dinning signed us up with money out of his own pocket. This is %100 percent true. I’m not sure if it was a huge conflict of interest but he seemed like a really nice guy so I’ll let it slide.

We stayed for a while until Ralph Klein won and it only occurred to me on the way back that had my parents been watching TV at the time and saw the rally and a camera happened to face my way I would have been in deep shit.

You see, I had actually told my family that I was sleeping over at a friend’s house and not driving to another city with some acquaintances with a near stranger behind the wheel playing the Grateful Dead box set there and back. Whoops!

Ever since then I’ve had a soft spot for the right. The Federal Liberals have done nothing to woo me back, I’m not a separatist, and Jack Layton’s an opportunistic weasel. Go Conservatives!!

Flashcube Dancing

JapaneseseonadancingFans of The Office (UK vesion) will be both astouded and shocked to learn that Ricky Gervais was once the singer for an early 80’s synth-pop duo called Seona Dancing. That’s him in the picture to the right. Sadly, their entire discography consisted of two singles released in 1984. More information about the group can be found here.

Iron Crotch

StrongNow Iron Crotch isn’t just a nickname you receive, you have to earn that motherfucker. in the case of Tu Jin-Sheng there’s no doubt in mind that it not deserved. I mean, can you pull a truck with your penis? Well, provided you have one of course. After all, is equal opportunity entertainment. That being said, I can barely pull myself out of bed in the morning let alone a truck with my trouser snake. When asked if it was painful Tu Jin-Sheng replied, “If it’s painful, then you will see it bleed”. Wow!

But wait, there’s more. Check out his website.

My Open Bar

MyopenbarMy Open Bar is a great idea. It’s a list of open bars in the New York City area. It’s great if your a resident but if you’re like me and live in an entirely different city altogether you can just enjoy the photos.

Sin Sin Sin

What’s the worst sin according to a 19th century book that will most most certainly lead to death. Three guesses: Murder? No! Adultery? No. Touching oneself “down there”? Absolutely. Go see the consequences of such filth here.


When I was in Vancouver over the weekend I had the opportunity to watch Zardoz, a movie far better than anything I’ve seen in recent memory. And this has nothing to do with any additional “supplements” that were taken over the course of the movie.

To describe it would do it injustice. Besides someone else has done a 15-page review of the movie. All you need to know are the following things: Sci-Fi, Sean Connery, Ponytail, Handlebar moustache, thigh-high boots, loincloth. Now go out and rent it.

Flashcube Party!!!!! Tonight!!!!!

Marblearch03PEOPLE OF VANCOUVERFlashcube Party!!!!!! Tonight!!!! At the Marble Arch at 11pm. Karaoke for 1 hour and dancing til close. Show up awesome. Leave more awesome.

This is the post that would have occurred had everything gone according to plan Saturday evening. I was even looking forward to it. This is what happened.

On Friday evening the lady and I tried to Surprise Wil for his opening. We hopped on the bus and headed to what I thought was the right address. Now the thing to realize about Vancouver is that street numbers and address never really correlate. Case in point: the address for the gallery was 831 Granville street so I assumed that it would be near the corner of Granville and 8th Ave. Apparently not as the addresses on that intersection are somewhere near the 2400 mark. Who fucking knew.

Anyhow, we popped back on the next bus all the way back downtown only to be be caught on what I assume was the UBC party bus. They were drunk, loud, unruly and reeking of beer but we decided to tough it out as downtown was only a minute or so away. Everything was going good until someone from the back shouted “Bong Hits and NHL 2004!!!! Wooooo!!!!!”. At that point I said, “Fuck it!! Lets get off now” despite the fact it would have meant an extra 4 blocks to walk.

We did finally make it there around 11-ish and the paintings were incredible. Wil was surprised and I explained to him that I was “just in the neighbourhood”.

When it came to coordinating a plan for the next evening, I mentioned in passing of our plans of going to the Arch. This didn’t get very far I was told that it was closed (whether temporary or permanent, I don’t know) because of liquor violations.

Wouldn’t you know it. The one place that I was looking forward to visit was closed. It’s almost as if karma had given me a kick to the nuts. It’s probably justified as I did do a lot of bad shit there in 2004.

Plan B

We went over to NP’s in the afternoon the next day and came up with a new plan: to drink as hard and fast as possible starting at 6pm and wait for the guests to show up before we figured out what to do next. And for the most part that went pretty well. I supplied the rum under strict instructions to not bring any vodka or gin and the lady brought a six-pack of Becks. Fantastic.

The guests showed up and acquaintances were made and re-made. The drunk got drunker and the music got louder and plans were solidified to go to Celebrities as would be tons of fun.

It’s a shame then that no one actually left NP’s until midnight and only because he was screaming, “Get out!!! party time’s over!!!” that we faced our next dilemma; the looooooong line-up to get in. We lost a few people along the way because they simply gave up and went home. The remainder struggled onwards and settled for The Odyssey a few blocks away.

Now “The Odyssey” is typical of “that” kind of club but we were looking to dance and were well past drunk so we would take what we could get. As drunk as I was though, house music isn’t really my bag so I just sat down and drank some more until the new Madonna track came on (a fantastic single I might add) and I danced for a few minutes.

The last thing I recall was being back at NP’s laying down beside the lady scooping a rum-drenched bowl of chocolate ice creme into my mouth while watching Team America. Everything after that is a blur.

It was fun though and reason enough to make me want to throw a Flashcube theme party in the near future. Of course I need someone to help me volunteer so if you’re willing to help or have some ideas let me know. Fuck, yeah!!


Okay, it’s not quite like the real karaoke of which I’m well…. adequate. This is motherfucking Cheerioke sponsored by new Yogurty-good Yogurt Burst Cheerios. Cheerioke allows you to dress up an online character and burst into song.

Not wanting to disturb anyone I let the robot do the singing. The results of which can be heard here. Arguably, it sounds a lot better than my actual singing voice.