Card Carrying Member

ConservativeIt’s funny because I haven’t had a drink all night but somehow within the last five minutes or so I’ve become a member of the Conservative Party of Canada. Maybe I was just caught up in election fever. My membership card and (tax deductable) receipt will arrive next week and I suspect that another member will be phoning me to volunteer for the upcoming election. I probably blow up balloons and shit.

I can hear the jeers now. I’ve become the ultimate sellout having sacrificed my ideals for some sort of cheap right-wing thrill. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t able to resolve my former left-wing ideals with common fucking sense. Am I the only one who feels a bit unnerved about the romanticizing of historical Left-Wing dictators. Stalin looks spiffy on a poster and is a great name for a martini if you choose to ignore history.

Interestingly, this isn’t the first time I’ve been a member of a Canadian Conservative party. About 12 years ago during the campaign to determine the new leader for the Alberta Conservatives. A few people and I drove up to Edmonton on a whim for the night. We had no set plan but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Somehow (it’s been a long time. I don’t recall the circumstances) we ended up at the rally. It was Ralph Klein vs. Nancy Betowski for the leadership. We saw balloons, streamers, and a whole lot of commotion so we were instantly attracted to it and tried to enter the rally.

Having never belonged to a political party before and being only 18 and lacking party membership we were declined entry. That was of course until Provincial Treasurer at the time Jim Dinning signed us up with money out of his own pocket. This is %100 percent true. I’m not sure if it was a huge conflict of interest but he seemed like a really nice guy so I’ll let it slide.

We stayed for a while until Ralph Klein won and it only occurred to me on the way back that had my parents been watching TV at the time and saw the rally and a camera happened to face my way I would have been in deep shit.

You see, I had actually told my family that I was sleeping over at a friend’s house and not driving to another city with some acquaintances with a near stranger behind the wheel playing the Grateful Dead box set there and back. Whoops!

Ever since then I’ve had a soft spot for the right. The Federal Liberals have done nothing to woo me back, I’m not a separatist, and Jack Layton’s an opportunistic weasel. Go Conservatives!!

Flashcube Dancing

JapaneseseonadancingFans of The Office (UK vesion) will be both astouded and shocked to learn that Ricky Gervais was once the singer for an early 80’s synth-pop duo called Seona Dancing. That’s him in the picture to the right. Sadly, their entire discography consisted of two singles released in 1984. More information about the group can be found here.

Iron Crotch

StrongNow Iron Crotch isn’t just a nickname you receive, you have to earn that motherfucker. in the case of Tu Jin-Sheng there’s no doubt in mind that it not deserved. I mean, can you pull a truck with your penis? Well, provided you have one of course. After all, is equal opportunity entertainment. That being said, I can barely pull myself out of bed in the morning let alone a truck with my trouser snake. When asked if it was painful Tu Jin-Sheng replied, “If it’s painful, then you will see it bleed”. Wow!

But wait, there’s more. Check out his website.

My Open Bar

MyopenbarMy Open Bar is a great idea. It’s a list of open bars in the New York City area. It’s great if your a resident but if you’re like me and live in an entirely different city altogether you can just enjoy the photos.

Sin Sin Sin

What’s the worst sin according to a 19th century book that will most most certainly lead to death. Three guesses: Murder? No! Adultery? No. Touching oneself “down there”? Absolutely. Go see the consequences of such filth here.


When I was in Vancouver over the weekend I had the opportunity to watch Zardoz, a movie far better than anything I’ve seen in recent memory. And this has nothing to do with any additional “supplements” that were taken over the course of the movie.

To describe it would do it injustice. Besides someone else has done a 15-page review of the movie. All you need to know are the following things: Sci-Fi, Sean Connery, Ponytail, Handlebar moustache, thigh-high boots, loincloth. Now go out and rent it.