It’s amazing what you find when you use Stumbleupon to mine for new material. For instance, I found this page titled “THE LOST ART OF SEDUCTION OR HOW TO TRICK A WOMAN INTO LETTING YOU DO THINGS TO HER”.
Now maybe it’s me but isn’t seduction just another way of saying sleazy with a dash of charm. That’s the definition in the Flashcube.org dictionary next to “Awesome”. It’s a small dictionary.
The author continues as he details the things that a woman wants in a man. Most of it is common sense though I don’t know what to make of the last point though. I think you have to be British. What I’ll do though is add my comments in brackets next to the list as it pertains to me.
* Good looks (I don’t think I look too bad)
* Money (Working on it)
* Muscles (Getting there)
* A big nob (Will neither confirm nor deny)
* The ability to make a nice cup of tea (Red Rose, anayone?)
* Won’t hump a sex doll and make me watch (But couch cushions better watch out)
* Suaveness, savoire faire (Oui!)
* A vast libido (Vast like the Grand Canyon)
* Being sensitive (I’m a gentleman)
* Courtesy, good manners (Thank you very much)
* Doesn’t bugger geese on the living room carpet, right after I’ve hoovered (I have no idea what the fuck that means)
But wait, there’s more
SOME ARTY BRIC-A-BRAC WOMEN MIGHT BE IMPRESSED WITH AND MIGHT LIKE TO COME IN TO SEE:
* Oil paintings
* Ming vases
* Rare books, films, LPs etc.
* Interesting pots or rugs or something
He’s right though – all ladies I know go crazy when I show them some “Interesting pots or rugs or something”.
Okay this is just getting ridiculous. Forget the website, I’ll tell you the steps I took to initially seduce my girlfriend, Flashcube.org style.
* Wore my Canadian Tuxedo (Jean jacket, Jeans)
* Flat-Ironed my hair
* Knocked back a few
* Said, “You’re awesome. Let’s make out”
* Swapped gum
* Arm wrestled
* Licked Frank’s Hot Sauce off a slice of pizza in attempt to impress
As you can see, I’m a real charmer. The funny thing is it actually worked. Holy fuck! I should write a book or something