I may as well buy a ticket to heaven because I’m sure as fuck not getting there otherwise. Not with the trail of disappointment and broken hearts I’ve left behind me. Can I buy the ticket with the money I stole from the brittle pensioner or would that be bad?

Proving that middle-earth inspired, folk-music is not necessarily confined to the human race comes Elvendrums. Elvendrums are a four-piece band comprised of elves or rather the anachronistic society’s house band. Surprisingly no Hootie covers but instead songs such as “Witches’ Ball” and “The Dragon”. There’s samples of each song on the website and more chaos than you can ever imagine.

This generations “The Mommas and the Poppas”

Proving again that ad agencies are clearly taking way too many hallucinogens these days comes a rather disturbing yet humourous commercial involving prehensile, erect male nipples. Sweet Carolina!! (Quicktime Required)

From the I’m Glad I’m A Luddite Department comes a story of a group of Romanian hackers who infiltrated the computers at a remote sub-arctic research facility and threatened to turn off the heat unless they got a ransom. My Take: Romania has hackers?!

Carmen Electra is famous for something but I don’t know what. Now she can be famous for being a even more of a skank than usual. Yes, here comes Ms. Electra – harnessing the awesome power of both aerobics and striptease into one volatile mixture called aptly enough Aerobic Striptease. If I wanted masturbation fodder I wouldn’t get an aerobics video. If I wanted an aerobics video, my exercise regiment would not include pelvic grinds and thrusts.

Just a reminder to all my reader(s) to turn back the clock because it’s Daylight Savings. And get one less hour of sleep (or more. I don’t fucking know).

Ron Newcomer has been photographing celebrities for years. On his website he has compiled an incredibly thorough portfolio of images of him with celebrities. Sure, the website design skill is lacking but the sheer amount of images is astounding. Most of which feature him in the photo too.

Hollywood is calling but does anyone give a fuck. I certainly don’t. Hollywood is calling is a service where for a fee the a “celebrity” will leave a message on your answering machine for a fee of $19.95 The money doesn’t really go that far judging by the list of “celebrities” participating. A few of the more notable being Ron Palillo (Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter), Lou Ferrigno (1970’s Incredible Hulk TV Show), and Todd Bridges (Willis from Different Strokes). The rest, well, you’ll have to check that out yourself.

Hi, my name is Kato. You may know me from…..

When the Rapture finally comes, it’s courteous to leave some sort of reminder to those left behind just in case they forgot why you got into to heaven and they didn’t. This is done in the form of a letter shown at raptureletters.com . Wow, talk about kicking someone when they’re down. Here’s my rapture letter that I’ve written up.

Dear Friends,

I’m writing this from Heaven. I got a first-class ticket to ride from the chosen one himself. I think you know him, the big J.C. Anyways the view is pretty good from up here. I can almost see you from where I am but a huge cloud of smoke is blocking the way. Oh, it’s the smoke from the fires of Hell to which you’ve been condemned. Don’t forget to write back. You’ll be there a while.

Love,
Eric

Going up.

Wholesome Wear is a company that markets swimwear towards the Christian community. While most secular swimwear includes things like bikinis and thongs, they go quite the opposite direction by making extremely modest swimwear. We’re talking modest in the 1910’s sense. No ass, thighs, midriffs, or even shoulders are shown. Just a shapeless mass of bright fabric.

Look out, men!